what were you thinking?

In the following examples, what were Mary, John and Bob thinking?

Mary recently said to me, "I know I shouldn't have eaten that three-pound slice of chocolate decadence cheesecake.  I just couldn't help myself!"

John confessed, "I guess I shouldn't have told Marsha off like that.  I don't know what came over me..."

And Bob, previously in a very bad mood, suddenly discovered he'd just won the lottery — his mood changed instantly.

Do you have the sense that each of these people was just a little bit out of control?  And did you notice that what they were thinking played a significant role in each of these three examples?

Too often we assume that our thoughts are beyond our control.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Except for those people who suffer from true mental illness, the one thing over which we have the greatest control is what we think.

You can easily establish and maintain control over your thoughts by applying the following three concepts:

Awareness  —  Planning  —  Evaluation

Let's explore these concepts in some detail.

1. Awareness

   The first step in taking control of your thoughts is simply becoming aware of them.  Let's reconsider our initial examples for a moment.

   1. What was running through Mary's mind when that decadent dessert presented itself for her consideration?  Was she thinking about its effect on her blood sugar level (and ultimately on her waist line), or did its taste and texture take precedence?
   
   
   2. When John's co-worker Marsha stepped over the line for the um-teenth time, did he simply react without first considering his words and their effect on her?
   
   
   3. And in our lottery winner example, was Bob even aware, after the fact, of the relative insignificance of whatever it was that had him so upset previously?
   
   

   You can't take control of something of which you're not aware.  Your task, therefore, is to begin right now, in this instant, to increase your awareness of your thoughts and thought patterns.

2. Planning

   The next step toward controlling your thoughts involves planning.  I can think of no better way to illustrate this concept than to ask you to recall the many examples, both humorous and otherwise, of the dangers of speaking without thinking.

   Bill Cosby tells of the time he visited Ray Charles one evening at his apartment.  There were no lights on at all.  The place was pitch black, and Ray said, "Hey, Bill!  Come on in!"

   Bill said, "Ray, where are you?"

   "I'm in the bathroom.  Shaving."

   "Well, Ray, why are you shaving in the dark ..." and he tried to stop himself right there, but the words kept coming out, " ... with the lights out?"

   Bill's brain immediately followed with, "You dummy!  What were you thinking?"

   But Ray was cool about it.  He laughed and said, "Man, I've been shavin' in the dark all my life!"

   The lesson here is simple: begin to flex your mental muscles by pausing briefly before each sentence you speak.  This will force you to develop the habit of thinking in advance, and will demonstrate the value of planning and organizing your thoughts.

   Take your time, plan ahead, and think before you speak; then watch what happens to your conversations.

3. Evaluation

   Finally, after you've become aware of your thoughts and have begun to plan and organize them in advance, you should evaluate your results.  Do this by examining your thoughts and thought patterns for:

   • Accuracy
   • Relevance, and, most importantly,
   • Conformance to Your Values
   
   

   This step is key to long-term success in controlling your thoughts.

   1. How accurate and truthful are your thoughts?  Are they centered around facts, or are you deceiving yourself in order to avoid some harsh reality?
   
   
   2. Are your thoughts relevant?  Do they really apply to the situation at hand, or are you again avoiding reality because it's uncomfortable or, perhaps, boring?
   
   
   3. Most importantly, do your thoughts conform to your personal morals and code of ethics?  Just because an immoral or unethical thought is hidden from others doesn't mean it won't have some negative effect upon you.  The Bible states that as a man thinks in his heart, so is he.  So true.
   
   

   Begin today to analyze your thoughts, make the necessary corrections, and then be prepared for significant, positive change to occur very quickly.

Bottom Line

To be in control of your thoughts is to be in control of your entire life.  And you can control your thoughts through awareness, planning and evaluation.

Please remember this point: lacking control of your thoughts prevents you from gaining or maintaining focus on those things that are most important to you.

Once you gain full control of your thoughts, the other areas of your life in which you're having difficulty will become much more easily managed.

You now have a choice, and a decision to make: take control of your thoughts, or allow your uncontrolled thoughts to control you.

The next time someone asks what you were thinking, will you have a good answer?